Monday, 9 February 2009

Aren's Pointless Pontificating Potential Partner Questionnaire

I'm feeling rather light-hearted today, so thought I'd make up a quiz.

Since clearly I am totally unable to ever actually bump into the "right" girl in real life - does she even exist?! - and since women's magazines are usually filled with endless quizzes purportedly helping them find what they are looking for, I thought I'd reverse the trend and as a bloke set my own standards. Time for the other sex to do the looking!


It should be completely obvious, but sadly there are people of rather judgemental and narrow minded character that choose to get offended wherever the chance allows, that this is quiz is just me having fun. Hopefully it will generate a few titters. The views implied below from my graded answers reflect my own guesstimates based on a projected compatibility, and, particularly in the case of religion, and not intended to be construed as deliberately derogatory towards those beliefs. They simply reflect the likelihood in my eyes that we'd "get along". Each of us is free to hold whatever opinion we each have, to paraphrase Voltaire, I might disagree but I defend your right to freely express your own opinion...

2nd Disclaimer: Life has persistently taught me that everything is always how you not expect it to be. So, therefore, it would, paradoxically enough, not ultimately surprise me if the sort of
person who got the lowest possible score was the perfect match, as extremely unlikely as I imagine such an eventuality to be.

Religion/Spirituality & Beliefs

1. In terms of religious/spiritual views, I consider myself to be a follower of, primarily:

a) Christianity
b) Judaism
c) Islam
d) Jainism
e) Hinduism
f) Buddhism
g) Daoism
h) Sikhism
i) European Heathenism
j) Non-European Indigenous Paganism (e.g. Shintoism)
k) Neo-Pagan, Wiccan, or New-Age
l) Atheism
m) Agnosticism
n) Scientology
o) Other specific organised religion
p) My own syncretistic pick n' mix spirituality

2. In terms of my own approach to my beliefs, I

a) Always try to abide literally to my specific sacred text(s)
b) Try to interpret any scriptures according to a modern context, with room for reasonable latitude of interpretation
c) Hold nothing as particularly sacred. Do whatever I want, whenever I want
d) Recognise the value and possibility of higher standards, but try to always find my own path, drawing inspiration from wherever I recognise quality and truthfulness

3. In terms of modern society,

a) Church/religious institution and state should always be kept separate
b) State should have a sponsored and official religion

Environment, Naturalism & Green Issues

4. In terms of technology, the environment, and progress

a) Everything should continue unabated, with the uninterrupted pursuit of technological advancement the highest goal
b) We should all become hard-line Eco-warriors, and the development of technology and industry should be severely restricted
c) We significantly need to alter the balance and recognise that our consumption of resources needs to be more moderated, that the environment is precious, and that we will all be required to make some sacrifices if we wish to preserve the natural beauty of the world

5. In terms of getting out into Nature

a) Nature is beautiful beyond comparison, and I like nothing more than getting outside into the wilderness as much as possible
b) The countryside is boring. I'll stick to my city apartment.
c) I like a pretty view, but from the window of my luxury cruise liner

6. In terms of my mobile phone, laptop, or other portable modern technology

a) The thought of being disconnected from the modern world for a few days fills me with horror! I'll take my phone with me everywhere.
b) I'll specifically switch off or leave behind my phone so that I can enjoy being out in nature, completely uninterrupted
c) Pointless modern dependencies. I don't need any such technological contrivances.

Love & Sexuality

7. If I am with someone whom I love

a) I'll let them know frequently
b) I'll let them know only on special occasions
c) Don't be soppy! They should know how I feel

8. If a man gives me flowers, I'll

a) Be deeply flattered and delighted
b) Think he is feeling guilty about something
c) Think he is soft and should probably go and toughen up

9. In terms of libido and sexual drive

a) Sex is pleasurable, rather like a bar of chocolate
b) Sex is one of the greatest gifts of life. It delivers a level of pleasure and fulfilment rarely found elsewhere in life
c) Sex is completely overrated. I can quite happily go without.

10. In terms of sexual frequency

a) As often and intensely as possible! Life is too short!
b) Save it up for special occasions only
c) Once in a blue moon is sufficient

11. In terms of sexual variation

a) Missionary position only for me!
b) I'll try a few different moves
c) The Kama Sutra is my bible. I'll certainly give anything a try if I can contort my body into position!

12. In terms of kinkiness

a) I prefer it plain Jane and simple.
b) I'm willing to accommodate a little bit of teasing and games playing
c) So who's going to tie the other up first? And where did you put those shackles, sometimes my knots aren't that good!

13. In terms of attitudes towards sex

a) Casual sex is fine, as long as both people have a clear understanding
b) Sex should only occur after marriage
c) Feel free to sleep around as much as you wish! Who cares!

14. In terms of sexual context

a) Sex in a loving stable relationship is, ultimately, best
b) Random casual sex is more fulfilling

15. In terms of openness

a) A lot of sexual acts are rather dirty and sinful
b) Within a few limits, I'm more than happy to try to accommodate
anything that will make my partner sexually fulfilled. Just ask!
c) I don't see the point in doing anything that doesn't directly give me pleasure.

16. In terms of a relationship, the one I truly love

a) Would be the most important aspect of my life. I'll try to move heaven and earth for them!
b) An important component, but they'll have to fit in around my career and lifestyle
c) There for me when I need them, but not integral to my life

17. In terms of a relationship, all decisions

a) Should be made on an equal basis. That is healthy.
b) The man should take control and show that he can be a man!
c) I'll decide, as men are too impulsive
d) We'll see what works for us


18. In terms of political views

a) I support Marxism
b) I support National Socialism
c) I support liberal democracy
d) I support Radical Traditionalism
e) I am primarily apolitical. All systems are ultimately a rather unsatisfying compromise.

19. On capitalism

a) Free markets should be allowed with no restrictions whatsoever
b) Certain limits should be in place
c) A necessary evil

Arts & Mind

20. In terms of film, if I had to choose, I mostly favour

a) A light hearted comedy or easy going film
b) Pure action, or typical big-screen Hollywood film
c) Bizarre, unusual, surreal art-house cinema

21. In terms of books and magazines, if I had to choose, I mostly favour

a) Mainstream fiction and glossy mags
b) Challenging, complex, and unusual materials

22. In terms of broadcast television

a) I love soaps! There is always something on I'd like to watch
b) Big Brother is my religion
c) Most television is so entirely lacking in any redeeming qualities
that I usually switch it straight off in disgust. Give me a good book
d) I'll usually spend my evenings curled up in front of the telly

23. In terms of conversations

a) Lets just have plenty of drinks and get drunk and have a laugh
b) Lets sit down over a coffee and have a truly meaningful and deep conversation
c) Just be polite and keep everyone happy

24. Beethoven or Mozart?

a) Come on. Clearly Beethoven by a significant degree.
b) Mozart is prettier.
c) Who are they? Wouldn't listen to either!

25. In terms of cultural relativism,

a) It is absolutely absurd to even begin to compare the latest Spice Girls single with, say, Beethoven's 9th Symphony. The 9th is so many orders of magnitude superior in every dimension that such a comparison is pointless.
b) Everything is equally good
c) It depends entirely on context. On some levels the latest pop singles are just as good.

26. In terms of range of tastes, and ability to accommodate alternative forms of expression

a) I am willing to accommodate a very wide range of artistic expressions. I listen very widely, read very widely, watch very widely, and do not get easily offended.
b) Plenty of things are rather offensive and should be either banned or severely controlled
c) There is no reason to ever offend anyone with anything that deserves to be called art

27. In terms of alcohol

a) Why not get hammered every Friday! You only live once
b) Many people use alcohol to mask emptiness elsewhere in there life. Enjoying yourself and letting yourself go is one thing, seeing all social occasions primarily as a drinking opportunity is a waste.
c) I am tee-total and believe that alcohol is a dangerous addiction just like many other things, such as pornography


28. When there is a commercial break on during a program I am watching on TV, I will

a) Sit there and watch in boredom
b) Specifically mute the television and go and make a cup of tea/coffee
c) Sit there and watch with interest

29. Tea or coffee?

a) Don't be daft, clearly Tea!
b) Tea is bland. Give me coffee.
c) You dare insult me with that question? How could anything compare, even to one billionth of a millionth of a degree, with the ultimate mightyness and true divinity of that most perfect of beverages, that most grand of plants, that most mighty of experiences, namely, the most high and holy, Tea! I salute thee, Tea! I forever recognise thy primordial and protean greatness!
d) I am a heretic and do not drink either tea or coffee.
e) You mean tea doesn't just come in packets of tea bags?

30. The person who constructed this irreverant quiz, is either

a) Completely and utterly bonkers and off his trolly
b) Of a fine mind, if a little eccentric
c) Really should have better things to do
d) Delightful, and since I am a fine young single women aged 18-35 I shall be enquiring after his e-mail address
e) Clearly desperate and lost beyond all hope

Answer grid

Now, go through your answers and tot up your total points accordingly.
There are both positive and negative marks to some questions:

Q1. a = -1 ; b = -2; c = -3; d = -2; e = +1; f = +2; g = +3; h = -1; i = +4; j = +4; k = +1; l = 0; m = +2; n = -10; o = 0; p = +2;
Q2. a = -2; b = +1; c = -3; d = +2;
Q3. a = +1; b = -1;
Q4. a = -1; b = 0; c = +1;
Q5. a = +2; b = -2; c = 0;
Q6. a = 0; b = +2; c = +1;
Q7. a = +1; b = 0; c = -1;
Q8. a = +1; b = -1; c = 0;
Q9. a = +1; b = +3; c = -1;
Q10. a = +2; b = +1; c = 0;
Q11. a = -1; b = +1; c = +2;
Q12. a = 0; b = +1; c = +3;
Q13. a = +1; b = -2; c = -1;
Q14. a = +1; b = 0;
Q15. a = -3; b = +3; c = 0;
Q16. a = +3; b = 0; c = -1;
Q17. a = +2; b = 0; c = 0; d = +1;
Q18. a = -25; b = -5; c = +2; d = +3; e = +2;
Q19. a = 0; b = +1; c = +1;
Q20. a = 0; b = 0; c = +2;
Q21. a = 0; b = +2;
Q22. a = -2; b = -2500; c = +3; d = -1;
Q23. a = 0; b = +2; c = -1;
Q24. a = +2; b = 0; c = -1;
Q25. a = +3; b = -3; c = -1;
Q26. a +2; b = -1; c = -1;
Q27. a = 0; b = +1; c = -1;
Q28. a = 0; b = +1; c = -1;
Q29. a = +1; b = 0; c = +1 (plus an additional 5000 special rare gold Aren stars after your name! :-) ); d = 0 (plus an additional 5000 lines to write, which go, "I will see the error of my ways and starting drinking tea. I will see the error of my ways and starting drinking tea, before the God of Tea cometh down upon me and makes me repent for my sins"); e = -1;
Q30. a = +2; b = +2; c = +1; d = +10; e = +1;

Maximum total is 67.
Minimum total is -2560.

Suffice to say if you're a fundamentalist Scientologist politically active Marxist who hates sex and doesn't like to go out, lives off a diet of Big Brother and, obviously worst of all, doesn't drink tea, then we'll probably not get along ;-)

Or following the logic of life, we'll probably be perfect for each other...

Anyone who scores 67/67 and is 18-35 should immediately get in touch.

Anyone that scores 67/67 and also has 5000 gold stars had better find an underground bunker as it will be my mission in life to scour the planet to find you! :-D

So come on then. Who's going to be brave and/or silly enough to post their total up?

Meanwhile, if anyone is bored, feel free to take this and make your own quiz up for your own blog. It is quite a fun activity...

12/02/09 Edit: Corrected answer for Q3, which I'd accidentally put the wrong way round.


dianne said...

My score was 43, but my age isn't between 18 to 35, that was interesting. ♥

Louise said...

Hmmm. I scored only 38...but age-wise I'm off the scale so I guess you don't care! BTW you had two questions about tv watching, but didn't give the option that a person might not have a tv...I don't have a tv...would I have scroed higher if I did? Should I go buy one?

vesperinlimbo said...

I got 49. I guess where I lost the most points...for question 3 I answered "a" and for question 6 I answered "a". You seem to be much most of a traditionalist than I am. I am super progressive in most ways and in support of change and technology, though I think everything in balance is key. Also, I adore Daoism, but I would never EVER call myself Daoist. I don't think it's necessary.

vesperinlimbo said...

P.S. I don't have a TV either. I watch some TV shows, but from the internet.

Aren O. Týr said...

Thanks for the replies, ladies :-)

Vesper, sorry, you made me aware of an error in my answer grid!

I put them the wrong way round!

So, it should be:

Q3. a = +1; b = -1;

i.e. I believe that the state should NOT have an official sponsored religion - state should be secular.

I have corrected the original post :-) So I'm not quite as traditional as you thought.

I am a traditionalist, yet also pretty progressive.

I know that sounds a blatant contradiction in terms, and rather confusing.

Essentially, I believe that everything that preserves and maintains "higher culture" in the arts in particular should be protected, nurtured and encouraged, yet I also support an open society with minimal censorship.

Aren O. Týr said...

Louise wrote:

"I don't have a tv... would I have scroed higher if I did? Should I go buy one?"

Mmm, I would say that not possessing a TV automatically entitles you to +5 bonus points, for making such an enlightened choice :-D

So make your total 43, same as Dianne.

Vesper wrote:

"Also, I adore Daoism, but I would never EVER call myself Daoist."

Good answer! A very, erm, Daoist answer.

Correcting my error for Q3, your score is therefore 51, plus that response above deserves +2, so I'd say your new score is 53. :-)

vesperinlimbo said...

Whew....I was worried there for a second....I didn't think it really sounded like you to believe in a love affair between church and state.

French Fancy said...

Goodness, don't you ever do short posts?

Seriously though I am delighted you are in a cheerful mood.

Louise said...

Hey Aren, it's Valentine's day...why don't I see a red rose on your blog? You gotta give love to get love! Happy Valentine's! Louise

Triana said...

I had a comment to post here last week when you first posted this blog, but it became much too long. Instead, I typed it on my laptop & had every intention of posting it as a blog myself, linked to your wonderful page. However, my laptop hates me & karma is always snacking at my lunch table. I have been unable to tether my blackberry in order to access internet on my laptop. It's too large of a file to transfer to my blackberry & post. I have managed to pull it off my laptop & onto my flash drive, where it now patiently sits, awaiting. I will note that I thought Q3 seemed backwards for you, and I also have no tv. What a crowd you attract! LoL! I don't remember exactly what my score is; I think 47 pre-edit of your error. Cheers!

Aren O. Týr said...

Triana, I guess the "crowd" I attract merely reflects the type of personality that is willing to tolerate, to their credit, reading my bizarre posts! ;-)

I patiently await your more in-depth comment to arrive either here or on your blog :-)

Triana said...

It's there! FINALLY! :P

I have had such issues, but was determined to get it there!